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Articles > The ESTJ in Relationships

ESTJ in Relationships

Most ESTJs share a common interpersonal style and set of challenges.

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Most ESTJs share a similar interpersonal style, and this style impacts most of their relationships, including those with friends, families, work colleagues, and romantic partners.

Your interpersonal style describes your social tendencies in terms of dominance, submissiveness, warmth, and coldness. This style impacts how you interact with others, and in turn, it can affect how they act around you.

The circular graph below shows the average interpersonal style of ESTJs. The vertical, up-down axis shows their style in terms of dominance, with a highly assertive style at the top (Assured-Dominant) and a highly passive style at the bottom (Unassured-Submissive).

The horizontal, left-right axis shows their style in terms of warmth, with a cold and impersonal style on the left (Cold-Aggressive) and a friendly, empathetic manner on the right (Warm-Agreeable).

Typical interpersonal style of the ESTJ
How the ESTJ typically falls on common interpersonal dimensions

The shaded blue area shows the typical interpersonal style of ESTJs across eight dimensions. Notice the areas where the blue area extends closer to the outer edges of the circle. These are the aspects that most heavily influence ESTJsā€™ interactions.

As a group, ESTJs are unusually balanced in their interpersonal style. Notice that the blue area is closely aligned with the middle circle. There are no dimensions in which ESTJs are extraordinarily high or low.

One interpretation of this balance is that ESTJs often appear as socially well-adjusted. In terms of their interpersonal warmth, they can compromise and show affection when appropriate, but they can also push back and make demands when necessary. In their social dominance, they will happily lead others and take charge when given the opportunity, but they are capable of stepping back and following if needed.

There are two dimensions on which ESTJs are slightly, but not significantly, above average. Some individual ESTJs may be even more extreme in these two dimensions:


  • ESTJs often manage, direct, and try to lead others.
  • At their best, ESTJs provide guidance and leadership, and naturally command respect.
  • ESTJs may be domineering, forceful, or overly direct.
  • At their worst, ESTJs can be overbearing and micromanaging.


  • ESTJs often support, openly sympathize, and actively offer help to others
  • At their best, ESTJs are gentle sympathizers, who are easily trusted and accepted
  • ESTJs may be overly revealing and have difficulty being alone
  • At their worst, ESTJs can require too much attention and admiration from others and be excessively involved in the affairs of others
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